譯/羅方妤
烏克蘭官兵的隱藏創傷
Night brings little sleep and terrifying dreams. Day brings panic attacks and flashbacks. All are exhausted and some think of suicide. They fear their own thoughts, and what those thoughts might drive them to do.
夜晚帶來睡眠不足與惡夢。白天帶來恐慌發作和恐怖經驗再現。所有人都筋疲力盡，有些人想自殺。他們害怕腦海浮現的想法，以及那些想法可能驅使他們做出的事。
Vladyslav Ruziev, a 28-year-old Ukrainian sergeant, has recurring nightmares about his experience being pinned down with his unit last winter, powerless to do anything about the constant Russian artillery, the bitter freeze, the comrades he saw lose arms and legs. "Sometimes the ground was so thick with the wounded that the evacuation vehicles drove over their bodies by mistake in the chaos," he said, recalling scenes he witnessed on the front earlier this year.
28歲烏克蘭中士盧茲耶夫常做惡夢，夢裡浮現去年冬季和部隊一起受困的經驗，面對俄軍持續砲擊、嚴寒，目睹戰友失去手臂和腿，感到無能為力。他回憶今年稍早在前線目睹的場景時說：「有時地上躺滿傷員，撤離車輛在混亂中誤輾過他們的身體。」
In a year and a half of war, many of Ukraine's troops have had breaks totaling only about two weeks. And when they do get short respites away from the front, what many of them need most is treatment for psychological trauma.
在已持續一年半的戰爭中，許多烏軍總共只休息了兩周。他們離開前線短暫喘息時，許多人最需要的是心理創傷治療。
Andriy Remezov knows that suffering all too well — after going in 2014 to fight the Russian proxy forces in the East, he returned home and went into a tailspin.
雷梅佐夫深知這種痛苦。他2014年在烏東與俄國代理武裝勢力作戰，回家後陷入失控。
"I got addicted to drugs and alcohol, and even thought about suicide, but my comrades rescued me," said Remezov, 34. He got treatment, became a psychologist and got married.
34歲的他表示：「我對藥物和酒精上癮，甚至想到自殺，但是我的戰友拯救了我。」雷梅佐夫接受治療，成為一名心理學家，還結婚了。
He rejoined the army last year. On a two-day trip to Kyiv, Ukraine's capital, sipping coffee in his kitchen with his wife, Marharyta Klyshkan, he explained that each time he leaves the front, he spends some quiet time mentally reviewing what he has endured "so I can put it on a shelf in my mind." Otherwise, he said, "all this information can just destabilize me."
他去年再度從軍。在烏國首都基輔兩日遊期間，他與妻子瑪哈莉塔．克里什坎在廚房一起啜飲咖啡，解釋自己每次離開前線後會花點時間，靜靜地在心裡回顧經歷過的一切，「這樣我就能把它放在心中某個角落」，他說，否則「這些訊息會擾亂我」。
Ukraine's mental health system can handle only a fraction of the need, he said, and most soldiers make the mistake of trying to tough it out on their own, as he once did.
他說，烏克蘭的心理健康體系只能處理一小部分需求，大部分軍人都犯下試圖自己度過這些難關的錯誤，就像他過去那樣。
A handful of centers in Ukraine treat mental trauma with traditional psychotherapy and alternative treatments: electrical stimulation, time with animals, yoga, aquatic therapy and more.
烏克蘭一些治療中心採用傳統的心理治療和替代療法治療心理創傷：電流刺激，與動物相處，瑜伽和水療等等。
Oleksiy Kotlyarov, 36, a military surgeon, sees years' worth of grisly wounds every day at an understaffed medical station near the front, under incessant shelling, with minimal rest. Suffering depression, panic attacks and bouts of crying, he has been diagnosed with PTSD.
36歲烏克蘭軍醫科特利亞羅夫在前線附近人手不足的醫療站，每天看到需要多年才能恢復的恐怖傷口，還遭遇不斷的砲擊，且很少休息。他苦於抑鬱、恐慌發作和陣發性哭泣，被診傳出罹患創傷後壓力症候群。
Kotlyarov spoke for many soldiers when he said: "I'm not the same person as I was before this war. I have low empathy, I've become tolerant to violence."
科特利亞羅夫為許多烏克蘭軍人說出心聲，他表示：「我已不再是戰爭前的我。我缺乏同情心，變得會容忍暴力。」
